a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I can't trust your balls anymore.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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