I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I am one with the molecules
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize