Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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