Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
