piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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