I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
