I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
