their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
