so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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