What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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