No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
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