Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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