Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
