The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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