remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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