It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
