Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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