Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
so much tequila, so little girl.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
