Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
