Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
