I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
