John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
