Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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