sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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