How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
