sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize