If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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