I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
