Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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