You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
