I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
