also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
