also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
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