best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
