The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
