we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
