Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
