his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
