I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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