I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
