it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
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once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
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Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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