He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
