i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
