I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
