White coat. Heels.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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