am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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