We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
