I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
birth control should be required to get into college
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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