And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
