mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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