remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
