I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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