Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
