I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
