my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
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Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
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Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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