ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Randomize
