Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
