I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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