I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
