I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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