dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
