So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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