Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
