Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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