Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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