new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
