so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
