About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
