drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
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Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
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Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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