You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
