so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
