hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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